1.What I'm trying to have my reader get out of this story, is that in the two books I read, the characters Karen and Daisy were two complete opposite. Karen was a betraying liar who only thought of herself. While Daisy was caring and honest and kindhearted she risked her life for her best friends.
2.This essay wasn't really easy to write because choosing two characters to combine into a story when they are completely difficult isn't the easiest thing to do. I managed to come up with the idea of betrayal because that's pretty much what happens when people are completely different. Not always but most of the time.
3.The part of my essay that was harder to write was the conflict, I had to find a conflict to encounter. I couldn't find anything for them to come across.
4.I feel as if my story isn't finished, I'm not sure what to add to it to complete it but I don't know it just needs something. I feel as if it should have more of a complete ending than just a cliffhanger ending.
It was dark and gloomy and the smell of death chased them through the air. The barn looked as though it was such a massacre and the bodies were everywhere. looking around to see if anyone had been alive, Daisy and Piper moved around any unnecessary, untouched props.
“Help me.” A quaint voice whispered from one of the corners of the barn.
“Did you hear something?” Daisy asked piper in curiousity that it wasn't her hunger and dehydration playing tricks on her.”
“I heard it. Someones here, and alive.” again the quaint voice
whispered from the corner of the barn and this time simultaneously Piper
and Daisy looked over into the corner to see something moving.
Something moving so slow, it looked like a slow motion clip you would
see in one of those dramatic movies on the lifetime network. “Hello?”
Piper chanted in her meek tone. “Who are you? Whats wrong? What had
happened?” A series of questions had escaped pipers mouth without her
permission it had seemed.
“Help me.” The low voice kept repeating those two words as a record
stuck on replay. Daisy ran over to the motionless body, so dead it was
barely alive. Laying in a pool of blood, blood everywhere, such a
conspiracy look alike. it was slaughter, a nightmare!
“Oh god…Karen?” It had been Karen. once her best friend and now a
resemblance of a beaten piece of meat. “What are you doing here? What
happened?”
“Its not safe you need to leave, they could still be here. Just go Daisy, take Piper and leave.”
“No Karen, i'm not leaving you here.. not alone not like this. You have
to come with me.” Daisy Demanded to Karen with tears swelling into her
eyes. Seeing her friend like this killed her.
“After the event with Harry, after the cops took me away, they left me
for dead. They
were on his side, they told me I have the right to suffer like I made Harry do. They could be watching Daisy. You have to leave. Now!”
were on his side, they told me I have the right to suffer like I made Harry do. They could be watching Daisy. You have to leave. Now!”
“Just be careful Daisy.” As Piper carried the leftover belongings they
had found on the way there and Daisy carried Karen, they caught up. “How
has your stay in hell been? Bad I assume.” Being locked away in hiding
because no one wanted to admit the murder of Harry pearson, (such an
important part to this town) was his own stepdaughter, Daisy had kept
her in hiding in the old house until she did wrong and her brother found
out calling the cops and betraying Karen and Daisies’ secrets to
sticking together forever.
“Karen, it wasn't so bad.. Jesse got let off easy since he was the one
who had called the cops on you. But, Piper and I were taken for granted
and put doing community service. While the war broke out we had to take
care of what was left of the farms and such. Aunt Penn had never
returned either, the boys are gone and now It just Piper and I. Now you
as well. But tell me, those bodies there cant just be for decoration
Karen. What happened?”
“It
was awful, after I had killed Harry Pearson and after your brother
called the police they took me away. They took me to a hospital for
crazy people, they didn't let me tell my side of the story. They would
have believed me anyways, so I didn't fight back, I let them do their
job. Then one night I was asleep in the room, I heard all this noise
from outside, the echoes screamed my name and I knew it wasn't okay.
They were going to take me somewhere, they marched in simultaneously and
that was it. They dropped me in the back of the truck, and left me
here. I've been here quite a while Daisy, longer than you think. I've
barely had food besides the leftovers the rest of them had. There were
people being abused and killed and I had to watch it. Its bad enough
seeing what I went through, killing someone myself and now watching
people being killed. It was a nightmare, its all your fault.” That was
it, those words sent Daisy into a trans. Piper saw the look in her eyes
and knew nothing was going to be okay anymore. Karen had lost it, she
was a liar, a pathological liar who brought Daisy into her web of lies
causing so much pain into her life.
“Listen Karen, I didn't choose to call the cops. The stories weren't
making sense. Jesse and I couldn’t hide you any longer. We couldn't do
it, the cops knew something wasn't up and its illegal to hide someone
from the cops I tried. Were the birds to the feather and I know I
shouldn't have held you in the first place. Don't you dare try to blame
this on me, I was bulletproof, after you killed Harry you shot me with
your lies. That was it. It wasn't my fault.” Karen hopped off of
Daisies’ shoulders as if nothing had happen, the same role she had
always played with people. Her lies again. “Karen, what are you doing?
You're hurt! No! You're a liar!”
I knew you and Piper would arrive, I planned all this out oh so
carefully after they left me there. They left me there for dead because
of you, all the pain you put me through. You and I were never good
friends, I was always envious of you! But, not anymore Daisy. Not
anymore. All this ends right here right now.” Karen reached for
something which looked metal in Daisies eyes but she was so confused and
shocked to notice, her best friend who had killed her own stepfather,
used her for hiding, got her caught up in something someone like Daisy
would never get caught up in, was about to kill her too. After
everything, this whole game called friendship, surrounded by an even
larger game called high school and the largest game called life, but in
this game you don't get three lives. “Goodbye Daisy.”
Daisy & Piper; How I Live Now by Rosoff
Karen; Secrets In The Attic by V.C Andrews
Hi Adora! Jumping right into the action is a great way to hook your reader and you did just that. I think that what makes your story really special is how clear your writer's voice is throughout the piece. I can really hear your voice when you say “Something moving so slow, it looked like a slow motion clip you would see in one of those dramatic movies on the lifetime network.” You have a very unique language style and flow to your writing, which makes it interesting to read and distinctly your own. This story has so much action and drama going on in it that I almost couldn’t keep up. Sometimes slowly the story down and focusing in on a few dramatic moments (especially with a piece of writing that is this length) can be more powerful than trying to include too much. I’m really looking forward to reading more of your writing in the future and hearing more of your distinct voice at work!
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